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Anger rise as night becomes dawn
I hate to say hello to the new morn
Screaming inside shadows disappear
Silence rattle me like stories of the dead

I am lost to this maze that used to be easy
Since you’ve been gone and left me
Voices I hear seem so real
Whenever danger draws near

I can’t wait for the night to come
For it reminds me of what I’ve become
Living the life of the undead
I can’t forget what you said

You will forget me
Live your life like you never met me
I will not exist in your world
You will pass and I will not

The curse of me to stay awake
When you’re dreaming away
Is it me you’re seeing?
Is it me that you want?

Prayer in a time like this

Lord, I know that You have plans designed for me that I may not completely understand and the best thing about it is that I really don’t have to. I just need to believe that what’s happening right now, good or not, are things that I have to go through to achieve total transition from the good life that I have now to a better one. I must ask You, though, that You give me the courage to face all the trials with both strength and knowledge to fully comprehend of what’s in store for me once all these chaos are done. As I understand, one has to go through great pain to achieve total transformation. At this very moment, my heart is sinking with disappointment. You know that I am fighting off storms that are greater than I am, it is so overwhelming and consuming to learn that I am powerless over these circumstances. But You are greater than any storm. In your command, thunders silence and the angry waves pacify. You are the only one who could lift me up from the rut I find myself in. I feel like crying but deep in my heart a comforting voice is saying that everything will be alright. I just know that is is You.

In times like these, I lose faith in myself and let You take control of my burdens. I am so tired and its draining my senses both mentally and emotionally. Please show Thyself and take all my burdens away. You, among all other people, know what’s in my heart. I may show courage or lack of concern, but You see more than the superficial.

I am at your mercy. Please do hear me as I pray. Leave me not as I battle my fear away and stay until I achieve victory over these predicaments. You are my only stronghold, my guiding light and my salvation.

Thank you, Lord for the promises of hope and love that I will continually hold on to, to the very last of my breath.

All these things I pray, in the mighty name of my Lord and saviour Jesus Christ.

Amen.

私は谷憎む

false hope. wrong belief. how can you say something you dont mean? dont you know the effects of your behavior? false hope. wrong belief.

The Wind

Your love is like a wind
Blowing gently in my life
The eyes need not to see
My heart knows that it is real

When it feels like you have left me
I need not to ask where you might be
Like a wind you are everywhere
I just close my eyes and know you are there

You are what fill the hollow spaces
When my heart gets heavily broken
You bring back its tiniest pieces
You made me whole again

Like breath to a newborn child
You must come in to be alive
You’re the last to stay in my life
When this world I must leave behind

Without you I am nothing
Like a grain of sand off shore
The waves of life break me asunder
Life is a waste when lived alone

The eagle’s greatness comes from its wings
As it glides along the gust of wind
Like you my Lord, you give me strength
As I journey through life at its worst and best

A funny old elf

**An old man i chatted today, reminded me of how corrupt my mind is with things that are of no value. Thanks to him, I've come to my senses. As a sign of gratitude to this old man, I would like to share this to those who have been a victim of false perception, tired and stressed out of things that became routinary hoping that somehow it will bring light and new vision to those who are suffering because of a lost and weary soul.***


Have you ever been stopped at a railroad crossing, and had to wait for the train. what did you do while you were waiting? do you watch the cars of the train? yes? think about this then. you watch one car go by.....it has some cool graffiti on it another car goes by, it is full of new automobiles another passes...it is a tank car, full of some chemical probably. you see one, it goes by you, you see another.... i am going to show you something useful. you are there....watching each car go by
but you don't linger on them because you see the next car.....and the next. yes?
do that with your thoughts. watch them, acknowledge them, let them pass and a new one will pop up just like letting yourself float over the thoughts but if you grab onto a thought as it passes then you are caught by it and can't let go and there is the root of your stress if you will sit quietly, watching your breathing, that it is slow and easy and deep being very quiet and just watch your thoughts as i described but if you will take quiet time and make your goal the ability to just watch thoughts pass without grabbing them it will assist you on your path toward deep inner peace and one other brief note about stress if you can do something about it....do it if not, why worry? if you can pay the bill today, pay it if not, oh well....pay it when you can
that kind of thing....

"for want of a nail, the shoe was lost syndrome" a tiny thing grows and then consumes us. society has you brainwashed and you think all the stuff they tell you is real, and important and it is not but as long as you believe it is, then you are trapped. you ever watch Bill O'Reilly? he likes to say "Perception is Reality" words made famous by Marshall McLuhan but old bill has borrowed them.

how you perceive things, in fact, is the key to healing yourself.

there is a plant which grows in the southwestern united states, and in Mexico, and beyond. called Datura. Datura has many species there are several of them that are among the most powerful hallucinogenic drugs on earth one species, from India, is used for assassinations others, in Mexico, are held to be sacred plants and are used in religious rituals among the native peoples i ate the seeds of this plant and it created 12 hours of psychosis in me. i took the seeds and waited and nothing happened. i took some more, knowing from previous study of the plant that i was coming dangerously close to an overdose and then i dropped unconscious to the floor and was unconscious for quite a while. although i later learned that even while unconscious i had been doing things. but after a while, i came to consciousness i felt very calm, sort of cool. well, it wasn't too long before two men came in my front gate, very black men...not African black, but.... evil black. i instantly knew these two men were emissaries of Satan and in fact, one of them seemed to be very powerful indeed, sort of Satan's right hand man i was terrified in utter horror and one of these guys came right inside the house.....right there so i figured a cool, dignified exit, showing no fear, would be appropriate. so i get out to the street, thinking to make my getaway. but to my right....there are five or six of these dark demons blocking my way i can only go left. i get to the corner, there are more of them blocking my way and i realize i am being herded and there is no escape so after some time, and a nice walk around town with some other adventures thrown in to spice the thing up.....i climb a wall, seeking safety, and find myself in the garden of some rich people (nice house) and i stand there and these demons begin filing in the front gate 30 or 40 of them i think i am trapped and there is no escape possible and then i realize these demons intend to sacrifice me to Satan they are going to cut my heart out, with me alive, and offer it to the prince of darkness this is all very real there is nothing unreal about it while it is happening i stood there no point in trying to run away and then suddenly a thought occurred to me. "Hey, I am in the hands of God....these guys can do what they want with me but they can't hurt me they may cut out my heart, they may kill me but they can't hurt me, because i am in god's hands" And from that moment to this i have never again been afraid of anything the drug wore off and the sun came up and i went to the hospital and got 32 stitches and and had a great time.

during that time, was my reality there was nothing unreal about it my mind was functioning perfectly well....calm, logical, all that but my perceptions were not true and so my logic was based on false perceptions and this brings us back to you accepting society's version of the truth as the truth which it is not.

if you are a Christian i leave you with this

yea, though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i shall fear no evil for thou art with me. faith kills fear always....god is with you and faith is not some system of belief it is the simple knowing that one thing...god is here. and nothing that happens matters because god has me in his hands.

The Prayer of Jabez

"Oh that You would bless me indeed
and enlarge my teritory
that Your hand would be with me
and that You would keep me from evil."

This was the prayer of Jabez - the one whose future was predetermined by the name given by his mother. Pain. Suffering. He was supposed to live an unkind life but his future was changed with these words he had spoken. God hears the prayer of the faithful. He hears yours too. With faith and understanding of God's nature, your life is bound to a divine transformation that only He can perform.

vanity speaks

I am currently an active member of a forum that discusses anything (anything at all) that focuses on women and its sexuality. You can imagine discussions regarding LOVE, SEX and BEAUTY. These three are the hot topics actually but I wanna focus mainly on the beauty section.

Alright, I admit...I am really into trying beauty products! From make-ups to moisturizers and miracle potions, anything that promises beauty and perfection, I am more than willing to try them all. Does anybody know about that? I dont think so. That's because I do it secretly..lolx! (Well, for those who knew, thanks for keeping your silence, you are good friends..i love you!) I realized, Im just like any other girl. I want to look presentable, if not beautiful (who doesn't?).

Recently, mineral make-ups caught my interest. And these are the reasons why:

1. Experts say that mineral make-ups are not at all harmful to the skin.
2. When applied, it blends in with your skin color that makes it look so natural without the feeling of greasiness or heaviness.
3. Most MMU has SPF and it blocks harmful rays from your skin that prevents the process of cell aging.
4. It's so easy to apply. But you need a good brush to make a perfect canvass.
5. It is cost effective. A little goes a long way! (TRUE)

My first MMU is from L'oreal Bare Natural. It was alright. I was satisfied when i first tried it on. It proves every thing that I posted above. the color I picked matched my skin so whenever I have it on, I feel secure knowing that blemishes on my face are not showing. I look good in most of my pictures. Nobody can tell that i have it on unless i them so. But i havent finsihed my first bottle of Loreal when I read a blog about MONAVE. What I like about it most is the fact that I can order a sample for a dollar or two. I ordered two colors because i couldnt really trust the pictures on the internet. One suit me well. For only $2, the 2.5 ounce of MMU has lasted 2 months now and still counting. Yeah. I still have it and will probaly have it still until the next 3 months. Imagine that!

I am loving everything about my MMU. its a life saver for girls like me who are, well can i say, not that gifted. I need help in this department. I am not doing this for any reasons other than wanting to feel good about myself. I believe that if there is something wrong, try to do something to make it right. That's what exactly what i am doing.

ciao!

Ciao!